I owe my life to Matt Foley

Saturday, June 28, 2008

I'm sure the millions, nay, BILLIONS of you that read this are dying to know why I started the LRP when I did.

As long as I can remember, I've always been on the plus size of my age group growing up, and my parents, as long as I have known them, have been overweight. My parents liked eating out, and took me along with them whenever they did, a favorite being the get you money's worth all you can eat buffet. It was instilled that if you were hungry, you ate whatever was available until you were full. My mom, who suffers from being a chronic packrat, was also adamant that I eat whatever I was given/ordered, as leaving food uneaten was just wasteful. Once when we went out to dinner for Chinese, I ordered quite a bit of food, more than I could possibly eat in one sitting, I guess I was feeling pretty hungry. When I could only eat a bit of it, I told my mom I couldn't eat the rest, she got pretty mad and if my aunt had not been there, she would have made me eat the whole meal. Then there was the time she got me a happy meal as an after school snack every single day for a month or two straight. Or the time when my favorite meal when eating out was an order of potato skins and two Pepsi's.

And so, habits continued on like this and I continued to increase in size above the norm. Any interest or efforts made to exercise ending quickly. Being out of shape was discouraging enough, but not receiving any positive reinforcement led to be give up fairly quick. My dad was kind enough to never fail in pointing out how large my butt was though.

By age 20, I was wearing size 20 pants. At some point I gave up trying to diet and change, convincing myself that I was an unlucky product of genes and habits and that I should just accept that I'll always be a Lane Bryant shopper. And I became bigger...and bigger until I topped out at around 280. By that time I discovered that I had developed side boob fat, or to those in the fat girl fetish world, wings (I'm not even going to go into that, aside to say I really don't fucking feel like I can fly). I also noticed that I was a little more winded than usual climbing a flight of stairs. A few other things added up to a feeling of unease in myself, more so than I had ever felt, and I didn't want to live the rest of my life feeling this way. A change had to be made.

After some searching and trying out various diet sites, I found one that had a nutrition tracking system I liked, and so I tracked, and oh my god, were my eyes opened. My twice weekly after work snack of a croissant and medium Ice Capp? 600 calories and 34 grams of fat! A whole days meal in just two trips! Needless to say, I've since replaced the timmys trip with carrots and hummus.

I don't ever expect I'll wear a size 6. My goal for now is to get down to 150 and see how things go from there. The day I can buy clothes from a section other than the plus size will be one of the best days of my life.